Curiouser and Curiouser: Competition and Compassion in the Workplace

A lot of leaders talk about curiosity and compassion as business tools and relationship resources, but for many of us, we rarely move beyond the theoretical talk. 


Because we feel the pressure to deliver the dazzle, yesterday, it seems there's little to no time to wonder, to seek, to inquire. We must know. Decide. Take action. Besides, in our competitive workplaces, how do we dare ask questions when someone else might slide in with the answers and cut us out of the picture? Why be compassionate when it's possible someone will take advantage of us?


Curiosity and compassion come from within.
As I sat down to write this post, I felt that pressure to deliver the dazzle. I started to force the words and realized I was not yet serving myself or this project well. So, I got up from my computer, fixed myself a cup of tea and created a little space for reflection. As the tea kettle whistled, I noticed Jasper and Bodhi, the Blue Mesa Group golden retrievers, sitting by the windows--enchanted with something I could not see. The dogs were watching, listening, being curious. Naturally, I became curious, too.

Jasper (near) and Bodhi contemplate a Boxelder bug

As I wandered over to them, I realized they were watching nothing more and nothing less than a Boxelder bug crawling across the concrete. I found myself chuckling and immediately released the pressure I felt about writing. The bug became a kind of symbol for simplicity. For getting back to basics.


I found myself listening in to the conversation I imagined Jasper and Bodhi were having about "the scene" in front of them. As I translated it from Caninese, I noticed there was no judgment in their dialogue. They were expressing compassion simply by asking questions.


What do Boxelder bugs eat? How does that orange stripe get there? Why do they crawl on the sunny side of the building? Do they sting? Do they light up at night? Do they like dogs? How do they communicate with each other? I wonder where he's going? Is he trying to communicate with us?

At first, I thought, "Oh, Micki. Get a grip. Bugs and dogs and blogs and business don’t go together." But then, I too let go of my judgment, and I remembered that insights come from many, unexpected encounters. Jasper and Bodhi's curiosity provoked my own.

Why are we not more curious about the tough situations at work? Why are we not more curious about the people and reasons behind our most challenging relationships? Why do we get so caught up in competition and often feed feelings of anger, resentment or frustration? Why and how do we as humans lose our habit of being and acting curious about each other in the workplace?

My guess is that it comes down to compassion, or a lack of it.


A coaching client told me this story about her experience with compassion in the workplace.

She had a particularly difficult co-worker who behaved badly on a regular basis. My client was affected by his bad behavior when she finally lost her temper and demanded that he apologize for his arrogance. Without such an apology, she was going to Human Resources to file a complaint. He shifted, apologized and he told her that his youngest child has had chronic heart disease. He wasn’t keeping up with all of his responsibilities, the stress he felt at home and at work was hardly bearable, and he feared being fired. My client saw his humanity. She gained a tiny glimpse into his entire world. And, although she didn’t and doesn’t forgive inappropriate behavior, she's begun taking a few moments to greet him and offer a listening ear. Not surprisingly, his behavior has tempered with everyone, and the two of them have even begun to enjoy collaborating on some of their assignments.



If she hadn't addressed her own feelings and invited an honest expression of his own, their relationship would still be uncomfortable and stressful. She understands and lives by what behaviors are acceptable to her, and yet she's awakened her own compassion in the workplace. To a positive end.

Compassion awakens curiosity, and curiosity allows connection.

Compassion presents itself as a positive regard for another person, along with an acceptance that her life history leads her to behave as she does. Compassion is a form of unconditional connection, and that connection opens the door for curiosity and it bolsters healthy, not malignant, competition. 

In my experience as a business leader and as a coach, compassion is one of the most valuable leadership tools. It's not too touchy-feely to belong in the workplace. In fact, compassion is a key differentiator and it absolutely belongs in the workplace.


So I ask, how might you invite more compassion and curiosity into your relationships at work? How might you better manage conversations and people who seem "difficult" if you stop for a moment, step back and inquire, "What's going on here? What forces are really driving the situation?" In my experience, that act of compassion often touches people in a way that opens them up to listening more deeply to you, to the team and to themselves. How has it served you in the workplace?