The Soft Stuff is the Hard Stuff

As a crusty former operations leader, I hated the soft stuff of leadership. I was good at the hard stuff. Managing numbers, ensuring employee safety, and installing pipe and wire – all of the things that make a business hum. But engaging in conversations, building relationships, giving performance feedback all seemed superfluous. Furthermore, I found that attending people skills classes was particularly annoying when I had “important” things to do. Of course, after getting swiftly kicked by my wise manager, I began to pay attention to the soft stuff, and I learned a few things.

If you look at the essence of the soft stuff, it is about trust, care, and building relationships for the sake of being human and being effective. All we really do as leaders is have conversations – all day long. And the quality of those conversations has a direct impact on our organizations: from customer service, associate satisfaction, self-satisfaction, personal performance, all the way down to the bottom line. Just think about how and why we have re-do’s. Usually it is because of a communication breakdown. Re-do’s are very expensive, and often demoralizing. That’s not so soft.

The soft stuff is the hard stuff. To skillfully tell someone they are not doing their job well, to face conflict head on, or to give bad news requires connection and care. That’s why being good at the soft stuff is one of the most difficult requirements of any leader.

Most of us inherently want to be liked – even if we have a big title or position. To engage in a difficult conversation puts that need to be liked at risk. No wonder we shy away from it. No wonder we name it soft stuff as a way to discount its importance.

So, to be a great leader asks us to risk not being liked for the sake of truth, trustworthiness, and organizational success. To be a great leader, we remember that we are human beings who thrive on connection, meaning, and community. It is the hardest thing we do – and the most satisfying.