If there were to be one leadership skill that should be required, it is how to engage in conflict. But most of us avoid it like the plague, and rather than face it, we run away, talk to everyone else but the person involved, bury it, or when the going gets tough, blow up at the next person who walks into the office. What is so difficult about dealing with conflict, anyway?
When we ask our clients, may say that they are afraid to hurt the other. But when they really get truthful, they admit to not having the skills, and the perceived risk of engaging in conflict is greater than the benefit. Taking the questions even further, we found that the cost of not engaging in conflict is significant. Here are a few examples:
Creating redundant systems
Developing blanket policies (For example, it is easier to create a dress policy than to address one employee’s poor wardrobe choices)
Avoiding the real issues at staff meetings which generates the reputation of useless meetings
Losing key employees
Many would also say that conflict is not ‘safe’. This is usually true if it is brought forth without skill. Yelling, passive aggression, and sulking are not effective techniques for conflict.
Conflict is the clean burning fuel that keeps relationships honest, healthy, and robust. It takes courage, but the benefit outweighs the cost – if you want to resolve the issue rather than bury the other. Why not give it a try? Here is a simple framework for a conflict conversation:
1. Identify the problem
2. Describe why it is a problem
3. Inquire about the other's perspective
4. Discuss options
5. Decide what to do
6. Commit to future conversations
If you want to learn more, consider engaging one of the Blue Mesa Group coaches. They all have real-life experience with conflict, and can help you find your way.
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