Engage in Conflict to Transform Relationships (Part 2 of 3)

This post is authored by Sue Taigman, Blue Mesa Group Coach and Consultant. It is the second in a three-part series on workplace conflict and transformative mediation. Click here to read last week's post.

For more than 20 years, Sue has served as an executive coach, consultant, facilitative manager and mediator for people and organizations that aspire to be best in class. As a member of the Blue Mesa Group, Sue’s results-driven approach to coaching and consulting manifests in focused leadership, career fulfillment, effective communication and conscious business practices. Click here to read her full bio.

How can you empower yourself and others during times of conflict?

In order to embrace conflict so that it transform relationships, people must not feel diminished or defensive--they must feel empowered. Empowerment is always the precursor to recognizing other perspectives and considering new possible solutions. Once people feel empowered, they will make choices and see perspectives that are right for them in the situation. So how can you help people feel empowered?

In times of conflict, try to embody the following qualities and steps:

1. Awareness - Focus on the following outcomes to create a sense of empowerment:

• Ensure the person feels like they are being heard.
• Help them gain a sense of self-responsibility.
• Help them recognize that conflict happens.
• Support them in seeing the choices available to them.

2. Compassion - Listen carefully and show you care, creating a space for people to express themselves. 
3. Confirmation - Use your skills of reflection and summarizing to confirm what people are trying to express.

• Follow the heat – don’t try to minimize the conflict!
• Common phrases would be, "What you seem to be saying is..." or "You're feeling...".

4. Inquiry - Ask great questions.

• Why is that important to you? 
• What else might the other’s person’s behavior mean? 
• Who do you want to be in the face of this challenge?
• What choices do you have?
• What will help you do that?
• What if you don’t do anything?

Next week, in the final post about conflict, we’ll take a look at how and why transformative mediation works better than standard mediation. If you missed last week's post, the first in this three-part series, click here.